I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
