I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
