She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
