I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
