so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
