yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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