There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
