Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
