Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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