No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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