Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
