It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
