Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
