Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
