we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
