So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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