then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
