God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
