I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
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I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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