Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
