as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
