You work out of a Hotel?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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