I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
