I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
