Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize