a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
