a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
