Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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