Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
