I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
