Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dicks are not precious.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
