I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
