At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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