I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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