you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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