we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You don't make any sense
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