Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
