Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
