after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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