Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
