as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
