her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
