he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
