Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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