I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
