i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize