When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
