forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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