OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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