11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
