My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
