Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
