he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
