Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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