bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Randomize
