Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She told me I should be a condom model.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
