I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
