Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
