Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
