Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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