Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
