Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
