She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
