I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
