two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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