what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
