She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
