I just threw up on my dentist
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
