I accidentally had phone sex last night
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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