mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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