My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
