I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
