So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How's work?
Spinning.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
