I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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