I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
