This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He did a backflip because drugs
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
