I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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