it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
