finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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