That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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