i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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