i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
