you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
